How to Not Get Depressed While Job Searching

I received this submission in my Coaching Corner:

“A life challenge I would like to get coached on is after being unemployed for a year due to being severely depressed which led to being laid off, how to keep going in the job search/hunt without going back to that dark place again.”

My Response:

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been dealing with mental health challenges. It's not uncommon in these past few years to be depressed with the pandemic, lockdowns, layoffs, tragedies, and wars. I hear it from my friends, on social media, and some days, I feel it too. Please know that you are not alone and that you matter 🧡

In response to your submission, I want to focus on how to take care of your mental health throughout the job search process, and not on tips on finding a job. If that's what you're looking for, there's a ton of great resources and coaches on LinkedIn.

First, let's set the record straight. Searching for a job is a very mentally, emotionally, and physically taxing job. Yes, it is a job. In many cases, as you progress through the interview process, you may even do actual work, like build a marketing plan for the company.

Second, it can be a long process. I just read a LinkedIn post from a person who has been searching for a job for a year since being laid off, had a dozen interviews, got to 5 final round presentations, but never offered the job. People commented that her attitude about her journey was remarkably positive, but I have no doubt there were many dark days for her this past year.

One of the first things that came to mind when I read your submission is if you have a self-care plan in place.

Did you receive care for your depression, and are you continuing that now? Whether that is meeting regularly with a mental health professional, taking medications (if necessary), and/or employing other holistic methods that work for you. Having consistent professional care is important for managing your on-going wellbeing as you embark on this strenuous and often stressful experience.

Are there self-care things you like to do? For example, taking a long shower, going for a walk, listening to music, cooking a nice meal. Self-care doesn't have to be a spa massage or a vacation. It can be the simple every day things that bring you a little joy. The key is to be intentional when doing these things, and creating a self-care routine throughout the day and week.

No matter the reason, being laid off and being unemployed really impacts your ego and confidence.

Whether you're one of 10,000 people laid off, or let go due to other circumstances, it can still really really hurt. What’s worse is that you can easily get stuck in this confusing negative self-talk loop of “What did I do wrong? Nothing. But why did I get fired? I don't know. Maybe it was me. No, my whole team was fired. But future employers don’t know that. They’ll think I suck. No one will want to hire me.” It’s an awful, unproductive place to be. But how do you break this cycle?

Often times, I help my coaching clients reframe a challenging situation. Looking at it from a completely different angle helps them see things and solutions they didn’t see before, which can get them unstuck and moving forward.

Let’s imagine you aren’t unemployed. You are a person with an amazing job whose responsibility is to find your client a fantastic job. Your title is Senior Director, Job Hunter Extraordinaire. 😎

Play around with this idea with me. You wake up, have breakfast, take a shower, put on your work attire, and maybe you even go to an office (e.g., a cafe, workspace). You open your laptop, check your emails, and then you start working. Your job responsibility is to find a great job that meets your client’s needs, interests, and skills.

Today’s tasks might include touching up their resume, researching interesting companies, and reaching out to your network on their behalf. Then it's time for a coffee break, followed by a few more emails, and it's lunch time. Maybe you meet up with a contact for an afternoon chat, then it's time to pack up and head home. Get a workout in, make a nice dinner, and then head to bed.

This is your Monday through Friday, no work on the weekends. Obviously, the client you are serving is you.

How does that sound? Does that look anything like how you spend your days? How is it different?

It's easy to get sucked into being unemployed, that stereotype we see in movies -- sleeping in, staying up late, wearing pajamas all day, not showering for days, eating poorly. Unemployed people often say they feel guilty that they're not making enough progress, so they compensate by working on their resume into the night and sending out emails/networking on their weekends. The problem with this approach is that it’s chaotic, inconsistent, and requires a heavy mental load to get yourself to “work.” There’s no clear start and end, so it never feels like you’re doing enough unless you’re working all the time.

The approach of working like you have a job gives you structure, boundaries, and a set schedule that you don’t need to think about. Most people know how to act employed versus unemployed anyways. This approach tricks your brain into autopilot mode, so you can tackle job hunting from a place of familiarity and strength, and ultimately, more confidence.

If you have kids, all the parenting shouldn’t just fall on your shoulders, since you supposedly have “free time.” You actually don’t. Remember? You have a job. I highly recommend using this reframing with your partner.

If you’re ready to experiment, I encourage you to create a schedule for your “work” this week. Try it out, see how you feel every day, and tweak your schedule for the next day to make it even better. Once your work week schedule is set, try to stick with it to get into a flow, and see how that feels for you. Hopefully you’ll find a great job for your client (you!) with this new positive mindset and approach.

A common problem during the job search process is feeling overwhelmed with to-dos.

Maybe this is you, too. You need to update your resume, find and apply to companies, reach out to your network, and that's only the beginning. Then it's getting interview ready, doing interview assignments, and phew... finally the offer stage. That IS a lot.

When I coach my overwhelmed clients, we start talking about what gives them energy. Like, actual perk-me-up energy. I've heard sitting in the yard with a coffee, painting or drawing, taking a hike through the woods, eating their favorite ice cream. This might actually sound similar to your self-care plan.

Then I tell them to go do the thing. Yup, just do it. This fills up their energy bank like a battery, gets them into a flow, and then they can take that energy and tackle one of their to-dos -- which will suck them of their energy. And then we repeat this over and over until everything gets done.

The process of filling up your energy battery is the exact opposite of "I'll do this thing I don't want to do, then I'll treat myself to X because I've earned it." You treat yourself FIRST, then you go do that thing with all the energy you now have.

I've adapted this technique to how I plan my own work day. I know that I naturally have the most energy right after breakfast, so I work on my hardest tasks at that time. Fun tasks happen during low energy moments because I know I can still get them done.

Making sure you have the right energy during your job search is important so every day won't feel as hard or draining. I encourage you to try to align your high energy moments (natural, or created by treating yourself) with your hardest, least fun to-do and see how that feels for you. It won't be easy, but it should be a little less painful and you might even get it done on the first attempt!

You don't have to do it alone. Rely on your village, your network, and your network's network (or a social network, like LinkedIn!).

This is going to be a little bit of tactical job search advice, but it's related to mental health. If you're like many of my coaching clients who dread networking, I'm here to tell you that you don't have to do it! You don't need to force yourself to go to a networking event to meet strangers with name tags.

Networking can be texts, emails, LinkedIn messages, and phone calls with friends, former colleagues, clients/customers, classmates/college alumni, and anyone else you already know. It's about reconnecting with your people, and those conversations don't need to be just about finding your next job. It can be to catch up on your lives (personal and professional), which can be a nice change of pace, and energizing and enjoyable for you.

When you share that you're looking for a job with them, it might even lead to an intro with someone that can help you. And even if it doesn't, you got to reconnect with a person in your life again in a stress-free way.

Don't believe me? Here's a real story where a reconnection led to a new job. My friend wanted to catch up before she moved out of town, and during this conversation, she mentioned she would be looking for a new job soon. A year later, I called her to catch up, and learned that she hadn't found what she was looking for. Then I remembered a former colleague just joined a great start up with a job opening that was perfect for my friend. I made the intros to connect them, and a month later, my friend is happily in her new role at this great company.

If you feel inspired or skeptical, I want to challenge you to reach out to a friend via text just to say hi today, and see where it goes! Yes, luck and opportunity came together for my friend, and it didn't entail was stressful networking.

Job searching is a marathon. It's long and painful at times. No one thinks it's a walk in the park.

Setting the right expectation for yourself is important. If you go into it thinking it'll be easy, then you're bound to have a rude awakening when it isn't and send you spiraling. But if you think about how hard it is, then you'll prepare yourself mentally and apply some of the ideas I shared above to keep you running forward.

There are no short cuts with job searching (that I know of), just as there aren't for training for a marathon. But I hope you'll try some ways that'll keep you in a more positive headspace when things get tough during this journey. Because they will. But if you expect it, and know that everyone else is going through their own tough version of this journey, hopefully it will help you power through to your finish line.

Good luck. You got this!